It's a great day!

Finally back to school, or rather seeing the children again, today after the 1 week break and the 3 days of training.1st period of the day met my new full class of P3 EL children. Have heard stories about some children who were involved in different 'adventures' and had to be sent to the vice-principal and the principal in Term1. Have been warned by the form-teacher about some children who are prone to misbehaving and those I need to 'keep an eye on'. But amazingly, everyone's really well-behaved. Maybe it's the first day and they're trying to make a good impression and putting up their best behaviours.

I read "Miss Nelson Is Missing" to the children. It's a story that I love to share on the first day of school before we set class rules, etc. The story is about a kind teacher who had the worst-behaved class in the whole school. So the teacher decided to go missing one day and a substitute teacher, Miss Viola Swamp, came. Yap, with a name like that, the teacher was a indeed a 'witch' and the children were terrified of her. They missed nice Miss Nelson. Eventually Miss Nelson returned to class and all the children learned their lesson and behaved well. Well, of course, Miss Viola Swamp was actually Miss Nelson in disguise.

During the story, everyone was fully attentive. Well, guess everyone loves a story :) Of course, the message learned from the story is simple- If you want your teacher to be nice and loving like Miss Nelson, then you need to be well-behaved, pay atttention in class, respect the teacher, etc. If you want your teacher to become Miss Viola Swamp, you just have to make her angry...

It's also great that the children are doing the story "The Mystery of Missing Big Wig" this week so I could also draw some parallels between the 2 stories. The children were excited and the discussions were lively.
I've enjoyed teaching the class. It's a great difference from the previous P3 classes and the P5 class that I'm teaching, still struggling to read. It's a refreshing change.

After school & remedial for the P5s, I stayed back in school preparing some resources. I was so engrossed in whatever I was doing that when Jerome called me at 6pm, I was still in school! I have lost track of time. Just before I left school, I've checked my pigeon hole and found a book "Teaching is Heartwork", left by the P, meant to be put in the school library for teachers. It was a compilation of reflections and personal experiences from some beginning teachers. I took the book and read some of the stories during my bus-ride home. Some of the stories struck a cord in me. I can relate to the teachers and their experiences.

By the time I've reached home, it's close to 8p.m. Hmm... when I left home in the morning, it was dark. When I'm home again, it's still dark. When will I see daylight? I'm tired but I still feel great! Maybe the only thing that was not so great was when I spent a minute digging in my big bag for my keys and was almost in a panic when I realised I have beening holding them in my hand all the time.

Told Jerome that this new P3 class had 3 different teachers in Term 1 and I'm the 4th! If I'm leaving after this term, there'll be a 5th! I'm having 2nd thoughts about resigning in June already. Jerome said don't think about it and reminded me that noone was irreplaceable in any organisation.

He told me that he called his mum today and among other things they've talked about, he had thought it was time to make an 'announcement' to his mum that we're now trying for a baby. Err... yap, true I've announced to the world that we're trying for a baby. But telling his mum is really putting the pressure... to produce results... soon... Not too good at all...

LSP Certification

After 16 days of about 130hrs of intensive training, I've finally completed my LSP (Learning Support Programme) training of Phase 19! Hmm.. and not just LSP, it's the Enhanced LSP. We're presented with a certificate that 'proved' that we are 'certified' LSCs and hence highly sought after by schools. Really?

I've learned many useful strategies and lots of rules that I've never been really aware before. The entire programme is targetted at helping the weak English language learners who lack exposure to the language, come from non- English language speaking homes or lack home support.

Can't remember how I manage to learn the English Language in the first place... I'm most probably a weak learner too when I was young. I may be dyslexic too, always mixing up my b and d, p and q. I hated spelling. I remembered an occasion when I threaten to kill myself because I didn't want to go to school the next morning as I have not learned my dictation. But somehow, I've survived that ordeal and now I give spellings and dictations :)

My parents are not educated, they only completed their Primary School education in Malaysia. Both of them started working since 12. My parents' stories deserve telling and more elaboration some other days. So bottom line is they're not much of a help in terms of academic help, but I remembered having tutors... Perhaps without their help, I wouldn't have 'survive' the education system? But then again, the syllabus was not so intensive then... During my time, it was still Mr Wolee and Mr Yakee...

Meeting an 'old' friend

I must admit that I'm a lousy & lazy friend. I'm really not good at keeping in contact with people. I seldom take up the initiative to arrange to meet up with friends. At first, friends tried to arrange for meet ups but I would always be too busy with work or tired after work to meet up. Then once I'm with Jerome, free-time is naturally spent with him. After rejecting invitations often enough, friends eventually don't ask.

Today during lunch break, I was walking aimlessly around the shopping mall with my free Ben & Jerry's ice-cream. As I took the escalator down, I saw the backview of a woman with a hairstyle I found familiar. (I'm not usually a very observant person who would always go around looking for people I know. Jerome says I'm quite a blur person. You'll probably have to stand in front of me and wave before I recognise you.) Anyway, she was on the phone and as I walked closer to her, I realised that it was Bi Fang, a JC cum Uni friend. I have not seen her for years and have lost contact with her. I waved my hand in front of her and she instantly recognized me and told the person over the phone that she saw me. She was on the phone with her sister. I'm relieved that she could still remember my name.

She was actually with her 3 yr-old son and her husband, Yong Fa. He used to tease me about my weight back in Uni :P She has not changed much after all these years. We tried to catch up with each other and I tried to get some updates about other common friends. Found out that another friend has already give birth to a second child, already 8 months old. Hmm... See how out of touch I am...

Seem like everyone's been pretty 'productive'. Another reason why I dislike meeting up with friends... They're probably talking about pregnancies, babies, first months celebrations, 1st birthdays, etc... then asking me the same...
Nevertheless, I'm happy to meet an old friend today. I must put in more effort to keep in touch.

Ben & Jerry's Day

Today is Ben & Jerry's Day! A chance to queue for a free ice-cream cone :)

Was lucky to be attending a workshop located in a school just a few minutes away from a shopping mall with a Ben & Jerry's outlet. So during lunch break, a few of us decided to queue for an ice-cream cone!

The long queue that snakes round and round...

Fortunately, the queue moves quite fast and in 15 minutes we're in the front...

Checking out the flavours for the day...

I chose Chocolate Macadamia :)

The ice-cream angels scooping ice-cream all day long...

I wonder if it's a good workout...

or if looking at ice-cream all day long will make one fat...

Observed that quite a number of people actually rejoined the queue after getting their cone...

Hmm...

Actually, I think this is the 1st time I've tried a Ben & Jerry's ice-cream and I've enjoyed it. Rich and and creamy, but not too sweet. Lovely!
I'm going to get myself more ice-cream soon...

Julie & Julia

Think this is the first book I've read for pleasure this year... For a library coordinator, promoting reading in school, I'm ashamed to make this confession...

Bought the book "Julie and Julia" by Julie Powell from Borders last Tues. Was actually looking for books for the school library but saw that there are some "3-for-2" books on offer. Chose this book to try get some inspiration on what to do come July. Yap, it's the book that's made into a movie, based on the real life of Julie.
Julie was getting sick of her own life and came up with a project- to cook all the 524 recipes in "Mastering The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child in a year. She documented her experiences in her blog "What Could Happen?" as well. She became famous and well, the rest is history.


Managed to complete the book in 3 days during my bus rides.
As I read the book, I could relate to Julie. Beside coooking and blogging, she's also trying for a baby. Last year, during my leave from work, I started 2 blogs to 'kill' time and to 'talk'. I'm glad to have a place to share about my experiences and reflections. Friends, relatives and people from all around the world visited my blogs. I would check into my blogs daily to check on the number of visitors and look forward to recieving comments. My last entry was a Christmas log cake. I've not been updating my food blog as I've been too busy at work and not cooking and baking enough.

Looking back at my blog, I wonder how I managed to come up with all the cakes... I fear I have lost the touch...

How to Train Your Dragon

Went to catch the sneak preview of "How To Train Your Dragon" in 3D yesterday night. It was the 1st time we watch an entire movie in 3D. We have experienced 4D short movie before.

We've really enjoyed the movie, the story, the graphics, the effects, the characters and the jokes. Jerome said that the movie is even better than "Avatar". We definitely getting the DVD when it's out. Watching the movie in 3D is an amazing experience. I've trully enjoyed myself and it's worth the extra cost. Looking forward to wacthing more movies in 3D in the future.

Daily Decisions

19 March, Fri
End of the 1 week 'break', exhausted. Felt I've recieved the last straw. Decided I'm going to throw in the towel, submitting the letter once I'm back in school the following week.

20 March, Sat
Relaxing on the boat while Jerome was fishing. Decided that I'm going to complete Semester 1 after the children's examinations. Don't want to cause too much disruptions.

21 March, Sun
Recieved an SMS about the crediting of my performance bonus into my bank account when I was expecting none for taking a 6-months leave last year. The school is good to me. Told Jerome about it. Hmm... Maybe I should stay till the end of the year... But once I stay till the end of the year, I might as well stay another year and get my Connect Plan Payout... Meanwhile, my biological clock is ticking away and I'll be 35yrs then...

Jerome reminded, "Stay focused, just stay till June!"

My Years As A Teacher

Looking back at my years in the teaching service...
The children I've taught have taught me much more...
I hope that they have fond memories of the time we had together...
Being a teacher has made me more than I can ever be...
Teaching has been the most interesting and exciting part of my life for many years...
I've given my best years to teaching....
It's time I do something else...

2001- The 1st Year
Had my teaching practicum in a primary school in the North with a P2 class for English and a P4 class for Maths and Science. I could remember that somehow I've managed to share a theme-related story everyday with my English class. Within a few short weeks, I've managed to build up such a good rapport with the P2 class that they cried on my last day of the practicum, making me cry along with them...

Was posted back to the same school and became the form-teacher of a P5 EM1 class. Their form-teacher had gone to another school, promoted to a HOD. I had big shoes to fill. There were some resistance, they missed their teacher. It was the best class of the level. I was a beginning teacher, finding my way, going all out to fulfil my calling as a teacher, bringing lessons to life the best I know how. My class is in the afternoon session, but I would be in school daily by 7am, catching a lift from my father. I would be busy preparing for lessons, materials and resources. I was always in school, Saturdays too... A teacher said,"Go get a life!" I smile at her and thought, "This is my life!" I don't remember taking any leave at all.

I remembered sharing lots of stories with the children. Now, looking back, I wonder if they remember... (I remembered that my P5 English teacher read "The Twits" by Roald Dadhl.) For Science lessons on disperal of seeds, I would visit the Botanical Gardens, trying to look for various samples of seeds just so I could show them in class. I remembered after a particular Science lesson, a girl actually bothered to come up personally to me and thanked me especially for the very interesting lesson. After all these years,  I wonder what they remember... I still have 5A Class Journal.

Thank you 5A for the wonderful memories. You will always have a special place in my heart. Now, you're all so grown up, either in the Poly or the Uni. I probably won't be able to recognise anyone if I'm to see you on the street.

To be continued...

The Final Straw...

I've got the sign I was looking for today...

Was grabbing a quick lunch during the 2nd day of my workshop when I recieved a call to inform me that my time-table's going to change as well as 1 of my classes. From a small class of weak language learners to a full class of 40. It's Friday afternoon, I'm in the middle of a workshop, I'm away for 3 full day trainings out of school next Mon-Wed... Where's the time to plan for relief for a brand new class?

Ironically, I had actually volunteered to teach this new class in the beginning of the year as the teacher was on long medical leave. Somehow, because of the time-tabling, I was not able to then. Now, it seemed that the time-table is fine now. Why the change now?

Well, as they say, the only constant is change. You just have to adapt to it...

It was raining when I left school at 6pm. The bus was really packed and I was standing right infront, beside the bus-driver, staring at the traffic stuck in the jam. I suddenly had a most depressing thought that I don't even want to pen it down... It was an unusually long bus ride... perhaps because I couldn't get a seat and had to stand for an hr with my big bag and heavy laptop... perhaps of the group of rowdy Indian teenagers who were making a nuisance of themselves... perhaps I had an unually heavy heart...

Reached home finally at 8pm. Jerome was so hungry that he didn't even wanna talk.
I was too tired, hungry & depressed to do the same.
After dinner, asked Jerome about his appointment to KKH to analyse his troops.
He said there were another 2 guys there accompanied by their wives.
He's the lone ranger. Well, his wife was ironically in school in a sexual education workshop.

Then I told Jerome about my day and  my decision.
He's happy that I've made my decision now but had to remind me that he was angry with me when I decided to return to teaching full-time in the beginning of the year. He had wanted me to do part-time work initially.
He could see that I was losing my focus, having the wrong priorities once back in school.
School has once again consumed me...
I should have listened to him right from the beginning...
Part-time or just quit...
And save everyone the trouble that's coming...

He could see this coming... me throwing in the towel...

Jerome said I should feel happy that I've made the right decision....

Well... this 1 week 'break' has left me broken...

Tomorrow will be a better day...

It's a sign! Make it 2! What about a 3rd?

After my post about my tough decision, I've recieved 2 responses. I'm quite surprised that there's still friends reading my blog given that I post so infrequently.

Anyway, I recieved an SMS from an ex-colleague yesterday after she read my post. She resigned from the teaching service about 2 years ago. She shared her experience and that she did not regret her choice of resigning then. She said that I should follow my heart. She suggested doing adjunct teaching at a school nearer to home.

Today, recieved a comment from yet another ex-colleague who resigned from the service about 5 years ago. She has since got a master degree (and getting another?) is now happily teaching and living in Hong Kong. She also did not regret her choice back then. She shared "Someone in his deathbed will not lament that he had not work hard enough or earn more money, but would regret not spending more time with loved ones and doing things that he like." Hmm...

So 2 ex-teachers encouraging me to resign...
Also thinking of another 2 friends who resigned from the service early this year.
And yes, this is only March...

Are these signs that I've been waiting for? Is a 3rd sign coming up?

Just like fairy tales, '3' seems like a magical number...
The 3 Little Pigs, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, The Magic Fish (that granted 3 wishes)...
you know what I mean...

Trying to Make A Tough Decision

Trying to make a difficult decision, so trying to list out the pros & cons here...

Pros of My Job
1) Makes my life more meaningful & purposeful.
2) I enjoy spending time with the children, teaching them.
3) I have a nice stable income every month.
4) I have collegues and friends.
5) I have job satisfaction.

Cons of My Job
1) Waking up at 5am daily.
2) Commuting 3.5hrs daily.
3) 7am to 5pm in school daily.
4) Feel tired and stressed daily.
5) Got lots of arrows.
6) Difficulty sleeping at night.
7) Lots of workshops to attend.
8) Tonnes of paper work to do, like work review...
9) Create havoc to my body.
10) No time and energy for hubby or anything else.

Pro of being a 'home affairs minister'
1) I can focus on achieving our new year's resolution.
2) I enjoy cooking and playing in the kitchen (researching, planning and preparing food).
3) I feel satisfied when Jerome enjoyed a tasty meal that I've prepared.
4) I get to spend time with Jerome.
5) I have more time for myself.
6) I can go on a holiday any time I like, esp. during off-peak periods.
7) I can pick up new skills like cake decoarting.
8) I can still teach free & easy (take up a few tuition kids)
9) I can try something new, like go volunteer/teach at Pre-school or international school :)
10) It's easier to book appointments during weekdays.


Cons of being a 'home affairs minister'
1) I'll lose my financial independence and have to depend on Jerome.
2) It's a waste that I do not contribute more to the society.
3) I might become 'huang lian po'?
4) I might lose touch of the society?
5) I will lose contact with friends and colleagues.

Hmm... Seems that this shouldn't be too difficult a decision to make...
But why am I hesitating?
It's a bad time to quit. But "noone is indispensible" and there's never a good time.

I always see myself as a teacher...
I take pride in that...

Can't imagine the next time someone ask me, "What do you do?"
A homemaker? A housewife?
It's strange to be jobless...

I still have not decided. Going to hang on first...

For What Do We Toil All Day?

This post has been sitting in 'Drafts' for a few weeks now...

Attended an oral workshop a few weeks back and there was a statement that we had to read with expression- "For what do we toil all day?" 

It had got me thinking throughout last few weeks... So for what do I toil all day?  

I've been as busy as a bee ever since I got back in school. I've enjoyed my work, but I just wish I don't have to spend such long hours...

Waking up daily at 5am, just so I can leave home by 5.30am, taking 3 different buses so that I can reach school before 7am. In the evening, I leave school at about 5pm-6pm and spent about another 2 hrs commuting home. After dinner, I sat down in front of my laptop and started working again. However, regardless of the number of hours I out in daily, in school & out of school, I never seem to be able to complete my work... And worse, work gets piling up... There's always more... I'm tired, exhausted at the end of the day but I had problems sleeping. My mind was kept actively thinking about school & work...

So for what am I toiling all day?

For money? For worldly processions?

We have no debts, no loans to repay. So we're financial free.
We've enough savings... We're not rich but we're definitely living well within our means. 

I don't do a lot of shopping... I'm a really 'low maintenance', not a big spender.
 I can do without shopping for months. I don't go for branded goods.
I don't believe in spending hundreds and thousands of dollars on a bag.
I am happy carrying the same $30 bag to school the whole year.
I'm pleased with my 100 Thai Baht shoes, they're most comfortable and I've been wearing them ever since I've bought them during the Dec hols.

I'm satisfied with the $5 haircut I get from my neighbourhood hair saloon.
So I don't really spend a lot...

So what do I spend on? Where do my $ go to?
20% of my net monthly income does to my parents. They're retired and like to go travelling. I admired their sense of adventure when they took part in a 3-weeks 4 wheel drive holiday and drove all the way from Malaysia to Yunan in China back in 2006. Their latest plan is to take part in a 5-weeks 4-wheel drive trip all the way to Tibet! I hope that I can travel around the world with Jerome too!
10% goes to my various insurance plans.
30 % goes to various expenses like transport, food, miscellaneous expenses and donations.
Whatever is left are really my savings until I spend them during the holidays :P
I do manage to save quite a comfortable portion of my income every month as I don't shop as often as I know most of my friends do.
Conclusion: I don't need to work for $ since I don't really use much of them anyway.

So for what do I toil all day?
I do love my job! I get a great deal of satisfaction in what I do.
I love teaching the children and interacting with them.
I'm glad that I get paid for doing what I enjoy...
"Do something that you like and you wouldn't have work a day in your life."
Teaching is something that I love and school life has always been such a huge part of my life.
Teaching has made my life more meaningful and more purposeful...

But I must admit that I just don't have the drive that I used to have.
I'm tired... exhuasted... I start to question why...
The daily long commute is taking its toil...
I hate all the admin., paper work and all the redundant stuff.
I feel overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed.
I can't sleep well at night.
I could hardly find the time and energy for other things.
It's impossible to achieve a work-life balance.
I began to despair...

Jerome has thrown me a life-line...
Submit the letter and stay at home and be a 'domesticated' wife once again.
I can be home to cook him 3 meals for him daily.
I can have a few tuition kids to occupy my time.
I can attend cake decorating and cooking classes.
I can hit the gym regularly.

It's really such a tempting offer...
What should I do?
Do another irresponsible disappearing act again?
I realize that quitting takes a lot of courage...
Coming up with a decision is not as easy as I thought...

Our Dinner Was Stolen!

Yes! Really! Our tingkat dinner was stolen right from our doorstep today. We returned home to find that our tingkat dishes were not hanging at the door as usual. The empty tingkat containers that my hubby hang out in the morning was also missing. We came up with the conclusion that someone had stolen our dinner...

Jerome was none too happy. Remember the saying "A hungry man is an angry man"? Anyway, I said, whoever that person is, he must be very very hungry, he might be starving with a huge family...

Anyway, Jerome decided to do away with tingkat dinner soon in the future. He decided he can prepare sandwiches for dinner. I can't say I'm pleased to hear that. Imagine bread in the morning and bread again in the evening?

I'm starting to forget that just over 2 months back, I was preparing 3 proper meals a day in the kitchen... taking time to prepare every meal and taking pride that Jerome's enjoying the food. Those days seem to be over... Now, dinner's delivered to our doorstep in tingkat, cold. Now, meals are eaten just for the energy/routine?... Eat to live, rather than live to eat...

Really... For what do we toil all day? What quality of life are we talking about?

According to Dalai Lama, the purpose of life is the pursuit of happiness...
What's really my purpose in life?