An Almost Sleepless Night

Was having problems falling asleep last night- thinking about SO-IUI, IVF, gynaes and adoption...

And when I finally fell asleep, I had a nightmare  dream that woke me up and I had troubles falling asleep again after that.

I dreamt that I was back in school trying to get some things ( OMG! I still have so much stuff in school!) but I bypass the office as I didn't want anyone to ask me how I've been? What I've been doing? etc... It must have been a Saturday as there was no one around. When I was about to leave the school, one of the HODs saw me and asked me whether I'm returning to school next year as they are planning for the time-table. My 6 months leave is coming to an end. I was thinking about how to answer him when I woke up.

I have 4 options.

1) Return to school next year.
2) Try to extend my no-pay-leave by another 6 months.
3) Ask for a transfer to a school closer to home.
4) Resign.

1) Return to School.
At least I'm productive in school. The children in school missed me and I missed them too. I have colleagues and friends to talk to. I won't feel like I'm living in a social vacuum. Now, I feel I can just throw away my mobile phone since hardly anybody ever calls me.

But I know once I'm back, I'll be consumed by the demands of work and lose my current focus/priority in life. Work stress correlates to low fertility rates. After enjoying life these few months, it will be difficult to get back into the routine. Back to waking up at 5am and reaching home at 7pm? For what?

2) Try to extend my No-Pay Leave.
Think that's going to be difficult. "Taking leave from work trying to conceive" doesn't seem like a valid reason at all. Although the P did say I can take 2 years off some 5 months, but that's still subjected to MOE's approval. Even when I'm on leave, I'm still often thinking about school. I still have my 'warehouse' I need to clear in school. I'm really a 'collector'. Am thinking of driving Jerome's car (once I'm confident enough) back to school so that I can clear all my barang barang in a few trips :P

3) Ask for a transfer to a school nearer to home.
This is quite an attractive option for me. The 3-4hr daily commute was a nightmare for me, especially when I take the Circle Line home during peak hours. In the morning, the crowd not so bad. I just have to leave home at 5.30am to catch a feeder bus, then take the train from Woodlands to Bishan, change to Circle Line, to Mountbatten, then transfer to another bus so that I can reach school by 7am. Then if I leave school at 4.30p.m, I can expect to reach home at around 7p.m. The peak hour crowd in the evening was a force. Trying to board a train from Bishan in a already sardined packed carriage is an almost impossible task. I usually have to wait for the next train. Then at Yishun, I had to alight again as the train terminates at the station. This time, I probably had to wait for the 4th train that comes along before I can find a lucky spot to squeeze myself in. Then another superlong queue for the feeder bus at the interchange to finally take me home.

I'm reminding myself of that nightmare as it plays a vital role in my decision making. And you can bet that after a long day at home and the long journey home, I don't have much energy left to do anything (or say anything) else in the evening. I didn't want to 'complain' to Jerome about the travelling at first as I knew what he'll just say, "See! I told you so! I've asked you to transfer school a long time ago! I already said part-time or just resign. But itchy backside has to go back full-time..."

Another school, another brand new start... but...

4) Resign.
Think I'll just resign and save everyone the trouble. I can stay focused on my current priority.
Like Jerome always say, "Relax! Take it easy!" So when should I submit my resignation again?

Meeting with the Ms Tans

Met up with 3 'old' friends from NIE (National Institute of Education) last Friday for afternoon tea. We have known each other for about 10 years now since we went to NIE for our trainings to be teachers. We are the '4 Musketeers' or the '4 Ms Tans', always hanging out with one another back in NIE. We were all very passionate about teaching.

Ever since we started teaching, we have not been able to meet up very often. Hence, when J arranged for a meet up, I was very excited. I actually can't remember when was the last time the 4 of us had met up together. Maybe it was during my housewarming some 4 years ago?

Anyway, the irony is that none of us is currently teaching in school. 2 of them have coincidentally resigned in the beginning of the year. The other 2 of us are currently on No Pay Leave (NPL). See how much we have in common?

Together, we have more than 30 years of teaching experience and well trained...
1 is an experienced GEP-Math teacher for over 5 yrs
1 is experienced LSC who's also Brain Gym trained and got a 2 yr diploma from Britain to help children with dyslexia.
1 is an experienced LSM, who went HQ, got a MOE scholarship, & currently doing her masters in applied psychology.
Hence, it's a pity if we're not going to teach anymore.

Other than catching up with one other's lives, there were also proposals for businesses, something for us to collaborate together again :) One wanted to open a tuition centre, another wanted to open a student care centre. If you're working so hard, you might as well work hard for yourself & be rewarded... They're really thinking about starting their own businesses related to education.

Me? I was only thinking about my trip to Phuket the following day.

Anyway, went home and told Jerome about all these talks about businesses and making $ (Work less & Earn More :P) Jerome said I can forget about starting a business, I'm a lousy business person. For now, I can just worry about cooking delicious meals at home, pick up some life skills (eg. driving), bake and sell some cookies, just relax and enjoy and have a baby. And I can leave the $-making business to him...

Learning to Drive

Went for my first driving lesson today... well, not really my first time...
My first driving lesson was back during my Uni days. I had tried to get my driving lessons over 10 yrs ago until I was involved in an accident.

I was having my last practice session before my practical driving test when it happened. We were at the traffic junction when the traffic lights turned red. I stopped the car and waited for the arrow light to turn right. There was a motorbike on my left. When the arrow light appeared, I drove off. The motorbike of course went ahead and as he was turning, he skidded (there were gravel on the road) and fell in front of my car. I immediately jammed brake.

Of course at that instant, I couldn't see the motorcyclist. He was directly in front of the car or under it...
My driving instructor was looking at the newspapers and was only aware of the accident when I jammed brake. He opened his car door and swore. Apparently, my left front tyre was on the man's hand. He told me to reverse the car. Thinking back, I am glad that I didn't do anything horrendous like stepping on the accelerator accidentally and really running over that poor man... I've heard enough stories of drivers who accidentally step on the accelerator instead of the brakes.

Fortunately, there was an eyewitness who gave an account of what happened and that I was not at fault, that I did not hit the motorist causing him to skid. The traffic police came, the ambulance came. The traffic police said that the accident was a 'good experience' for me so that I would know how to react in an accident in future. I was told to go ahead with my practical test.

When I returned home and told my mum about the accident, she tried to encourage me by saying that experienced drivers also get into accidents. Then she went on to tell me about a recent accident about someone who drove up the pavement and killed 2 pedestrians along the way. What an encouragement... I chickened out... I didn't go for my practical driving test.

After that accident, I kind of have a phobia of driving. I prefer to just be a passenger. I don't want to be held responsible for another person's life. I'm wary of motorcyclist riding near to cars. They weave in and out of traffic, I fear for their lives.

Anyway, public transport in Singapore is just so convenient. Hence, there's really no need for one to drive or own a car. Owning a car in Singapore is expensive. The COE (Certificate of Entitlement) to own a car for 10 years cost about $30-40k. Then there's road tax, ERP (Electronic Road Pricing), expressways that are jammed..., I don't believe in getting a car at all.

So if I don't like to drive and don't believe in owning a car, why am I learning to drive? Jerome said that driving is a life skill. Well, I've survived without a driving license for over 30 years... Well, but really in case of an emergency, I can drive... And since I'm not working now, with time on my hands, it's a good time to pick up driving once again.

And it certainly helps when the driving school is a 5-minutes bus ride away...

Learning to Knit

Like a pair of chopsticks on blue noodles...

I bought myself  the knitting needles and yarn on Saturday from Daiso, thinking of starting to learn to knit. It was really difficult trying to understand the instructions... I'm stuck... for the time being... Going to try harder...

Simple Joys

Last Friday evening, Jerome & I cycled to the Woodlands Coast Park after dinner. The 1st phase of the park was recently completed and the 2nd phase will be completed by the end of the year. We jog there at least twice a week and cycle there once a week. Then we'll enjoy the ice-cream sandwiched in crispy wafer biscuits. Enjoying an ice-cream is one of the simple things that will always make me happy :)

Hmm... I should probably make some ice-cream at home :)