Trying to Make A Tough Decision

Trying to make a difficult decision, so trying to list out the pros & cons here...

Pros of My Job
1) Makes my life more meaningful & purposeful.
2) I enjoy spending time with the children, teaching them.
3) I have a nice stable income every month.
4) I have collegues and friends.
5) I have job satisfaction.

Cons of My Job
1) Waking up at 5am daily.
2) Commuting 3.5hrs daily.
3) 7am to 5pm in school daily.
4) Feel tired and stressed daily.
5) Got lots of arrows.
6) Difficulty sleeping at night.
7) Lots of workshops to attend.
8) Tonnes of paper work to do, like work review...
9) Create havoc to my body.
10) No time and energy for hubby or anything else.

Pro of being a 'home affairs minister'
1) I can focus on achieving our new year's resolution.
2) I enjoy cooking and playing in the kitchen (researching, planning and preparing food).
3) I feel satisfied when Jerome enjoyed a tasty meal that I've prepared.
4) I get to spend time with Jerome.
5) I have more time for myself.
6) I can go on a holiday any time I like, esp. during off-peak periods.
7) I can pick up new skills like cake decoarting.
8) I can still teach free & easy (take up a few tuition kids)
9) I can try something new, like go volunteer/teach at Pre-school or international school :)
10) It's easier to book appointments during weekdays.


Cons of being a 'home affairs minister'
1) I'll lose my financial independence and have to depend on Jerome.
2) It's a waste that I do not contribute more to the society.
3) I might become 'huang lian po'?
4) I might lose touch of the society?
5) I will lose contact with friends and colleagues.

Hmm... Seems that this shouldn't be too difficult a decision to make...
But why am I hesitating?
It's a bad time to quit. But "noone is indispensible" and there's never a good time.

I always see myself as a teacher...
I take pride in that...

Can't imagine the next time someone ask me, "What do you do?"
A homemaker? A housewife?
It's strange to be jobless...

I still have not decided. Going to hang on first...

For What Do We Toil All Day?

This post has been sitting in 'Drafts' for a few weeks now...

Attended an oral workshop a few weeks back and there was a statement that we had to read with expression- "For what do we toil all day?" 

It had got me thinking throughout last few weeks... So for what do I toil all day?  

I've been as busy as a bee ever since I got back in school. I've enjoyed my work, but I just wish I don't have to spend such long hours...

Waking up daily at 5am, just so I can leave home by 5.30am, taking 3 different buses so that I can reach school before 7am. In the evening, I leave school at about 5pm-6pm and spent about another 2 hrs commuting home. After dinner, I sat down in front of my laptop and started working again. However, regardless of the number of hours I out in daily, in school & out of school, I never seem to be able to complete my work... And worse, work gets piling up... There's always more... I'm tired, exhausted at the end of the day but I had problems sleeping. My mind was kept actively thinking about school & work...

So for what am I toiling all day?

For money? For worldly processions?

We have no debts, no loans to repay. So we're financial free.
We've enough savings... We're not rich but we're definitely living well within our means. 

I don't do a lot of shopping... I'm a really 'low maintenance', not a big spender.
 I can do without shopping for months. I don't go for branded goods.
I don't believe in spending hundreds and thousands of dollars on a bag.
I am happy carrying the same $30 bag to school the whole year.
I'm pleased with my 100 Thai Baht shoes, they're most comfortable and I've been wearing them ever since I've bought them during the Dec hols.

I'm satisfied with the $5 haircut I get from my neighbourhood hair saloon.
So I don't really spend a lot...

So what do I spend on? Where do my $ go to?
20% of my net monthly income does to my parents. They're retired and like to go travelling. I admired their sense of adventure when they took part in a 3-weeks 4 wheel drive holiday and drove all the way from Malaysia to Yunan in China back in 2006. Their latest plan is to take part in a 5-weeks 4-wheel drive trip all the way to Tibet! I hope that I can travel around the world with Jerome too!
10% goes to my various insurance plans.
30 % goes to various expenses like transport, food, miscellaneous expenses and donations.
Whatever is left are really my savings until I spend them during the holidays :P
I do manage to save quite a comfortable portion of my income every month as I don't shop as often as I know most of my friends do.
Conclusion: I don't need to work for $ since I don't really use much of them anyway.

So for what do I toil all day?
I do love my job! I get a great deal of satisfaction in what I do.
I love teaching the children and interacting with them.
I'm glad that I get paid for doing what I enjoy...
"Do something that you like and you wouldn't have work a day in your life."
Teaching is something that I love and school life has always been such a huge part of my life.
Teaching has made my life more meaningful and more purposeful...

But I must admit that I just don't have the drive that I used to have.
I'm tired... exhuasted... I start to question why...
The daily long commute is taking its toil...
I hate all the admin., paper work and all the redundant stuff.
I feel overwhelmed, exhausted and stressed.
I can't sleep well at night.
I could hardly find the time and energy for other things.
It's impossible to achieve a work-life balance.
I began to despair...

Jerome has thrown me a life-line...
Submit the letter and stay at home and be a 'domesticated' wife once again.
I can be home to cook him 3 meals for him daily.
I can have a few tuition kids to occupy my time.
I can attend cake decorating and cooking classes.
I can hit the gym regularly.

It's really such a tempting offer...
What should I do?
Do another irresponsible disappearing act again?
I realize that quitting takes a lot of courage...
Coming up with a decision is not as easy as I thought...

Our Dinner Was Stolen!

Yes! Really! Our tingkat dinner was stolen right from our doorstep today. We returned home to find that our tingkat dishes were not hanging at the door as usual. The empty tingkat containers that my hubby hang out in the morning was also missing. We came up with the conclusion that someone had stolen our dinner...

Jerome was none too happy. Remember the saying "A hungry man is an angry man"? Anyway, I said, whoever that person is, he must be very very hungry, he might be starving with a huge family...

Anyway, Jerome decided to do away with tingkat dinner soon in the future. He decided he can prepare sandwiches for dinner. I can't say I'm pleased to hear that. Imagine bread in the morning and bread again in the evening?

I'm starting to forget that just over 2 months back, I was preparing 3 proper meals a day in the kitchen... taking time to prepare every meal and taking pride that Jerome's enjoying the food. Those days seem to be over... Now, dinner's delivered to our doorstep in tingkat, cold. Now, meals are eaten just for the energy/routine?... Eat to live, rather than live to eat...

Really... For what do we toil all day? What quality of life are we talking about?

According to Dalai Lama, the purpose of life is the pursuit of happiness...
What's really my purpose in life?